Taking the Weight off my Feet (and other assorted parts..)

Sorry. Have you been waiting long? I have been totally engrossed in my "Thin Thighs in Thirty Days" manual. No, my dears, it would take a great deal longer than that to reduce these jolly jambons of mine to sinewy slimness. You've guessed.. I received the manual when I attended my first Slimming World meeting. And very jolly it was too. I can't wait to wow them with my weight loss next week and scoop the prize. But no, I won't be eligible for that, as they do expect you to lose spectacularly in the first week, so it's not fair on the old troupers who've been hard at it for a lot longer.

So here we are. I feel slimmer already. I did say as I stepped on to the scales that I wanted it recorded that I was wearing a very heavy necklace. It might be a beautiful pebble necklace, but it doesn't weigh three stone. However, I've completed my online Ocado shop with the computer making suggestions : "Have you forgotten ......?" No I don't need some virtual Satan telling me I've forgotten the Almond croissants. Dear me. I only bought them once, and they weren't for me, guv.
But do you see what I mean? I am now going to have to navigate round food and equally lamentably, drink, very cautiously from now on.
It's an eminently sensible programme. Delightfully healthy. It makes me think how foolish I am that I cannot do this unaided. But as everyone's successes were clapped today, I realised that maybe it's the applause I've missed. Dear Lord, what does this say about me?
Too much, I suspect.