Have you tried my Cow Pie...?

My late mother-in-law was a Cow Pie aficionado. More familiarly known as Cottage pies, we called them this because they were always Desperate Dan size, big enough to feed an army. Minced beef that had been minced until it had become almost a Pâté . (A sure sign that she had minced the left-over beef from the Sunday roast, at least the week before. So vintage was always a little uncertain.) Enshrouded in pale, slightly yellowing mashed potato. This would be delivered to greet us after we had come home from holiday, or simply just because she never came empty-handed.

One New Year she delivered a Turkey Pie. It was the fifth  of January, so the provenance  of this here turkey was in no doubt at all. I thanked her and put it to the back of the fridge. Where of course, finding the effort and flagrant waste of binning it quickly, simply too much, I let it remain. Until she turned up on the hop, one afternoon. She was collecting her dishes from all her daughters-in-law.  The children looked at me, as they knew that the dubious turkey pie had remained in situ. I gave them a look which suggested that she needed to be engaged in conversation while I disappeared.

I ran upstairs to the bathroom with the pie. With my bare hands I scooped out the mush and meat and put it in the bathroom bin. Washed it out and rubbed it dry with a towel. I reckon 90 seconds the whole operation. The children's faces were astounded as I returned with such speed, clutching a shiny dish, professing it had been delicious.

These days, I find myself making Cow Pies for all and sundry. Made with best quality minced beef, and sometimes with a slug of wine thrown in, should there be any to hand. Seeing my octogenarian friend, Joy Burton? Bunch of flowers and a Cow pie. Going  to Buckingham or Belsize? Cow Pie.
Broken arm? Cow Pie. It is my personal panacea. Please God, let no one call it my signature dish..

I am turning into my mother-in-law when I  complain that all my smaller dishes are out on loan.
I will however, be checking bathroom bins wherever I deliver, very carefully in future. You know, just in case..