On Being a Nivea Girl at Heart

I have never been one to be dragooned into buying any thing. Not even in my younger days, with children young and impressionable around me. They saw me on one occasion answer the door to A Man in a Fish van who'd driven down from Grimsby that morning with fish fresher than I could possibly buy in any supermarket. Sounded good. As he reeled off (like any good fish salesman) a list of fish: cod, salmon, sea bass... I said, "Ooh lovely.." Then he brought in these large boxes and put them down in my porch and said, "That'll be three hundred quid, love."
I remember saying, "But I don't want to spend three hundred pounds on fish!" He reluctantly took it all back and I bought a sea bass as a gesture of good will which he sold me, very churlishly, I thought. My children watched aghast. "Weren't you embarrassed, Mum?" Not at all.

So it was with some bemusement that on a quick trip to London yesterday that I found myself being approached by an attractive lady outside a ritzy-looking skincare shop. For once I wasn't in a blinding hurry and I really don't like ignoring people when they approach so politely.
"You have lovely natural skin,"  this young American lady said. "What do you use?"
"Fresh,"I told her. Not saying that the jar bought for me last Christmas was still going strong. Skincare is simply not top of my agenda.
"Come inside, I have something for those little lines around your eyes.."
And dear readers, I followed. There I received a very charming but full frontal sales pitch while she smoothed unguents on my compliant face. I could feel my skin tightening up almost immediately.
"Oh, can't you see the difference?"
"Mmm. Possibly, "I said.
"Let me put some of this on these jaw lines to soften them." Now you would need some pretty hefty weight-lifting cream to sort out wrinkle lines adjacent to the jowls... so I waited. In vain.
The cost of these serums caused an instant wrinkling of the sphincter muscle: three hundred and something pounds for the eye cream and slightly less for the face cream. But hey, it was a two year supply and it only cost six pounds a week. Bargainous. By now, my smile was incredulous. I would give it some thought and find out a bit more about Ora Gold before committing. I slid out of the shop with an inner glow of amusement and a curious sensation of wearing a face-mask.

On the way home, I read all about this company and the a number of interesting reviews which bore similarities to my own experience. There were many people who'd actually believed the hype, submitted to strong-arm tactics and bought the products.

Ah, but they had not had the benefit of practising on the Fish man from Grimsby first.

All that glistens......