I was attacked by an aubergine this morning. No, I'm not speaking in code. It happened when I was casually unloading my Ocado shop. Being an exceptionally busy person, and wanting the world to know this, I ordered it to arrive between 7 and 8 this Sunday morning. Bit antisocial I realised, with a belated prick of conscience, as doors slammed and drawers scraped during the unloading process from the big white van. And did he really have to whistle? I mean, who whistles, these days?
When, what do you know? I experienced a prick of an entirely different kind. Snigger ye not. Something sharp went into my hand. My immediate thought was that I'd been bitten by a banana spider, naturally. Because one is nervous about bananas ever since one read about such an incident in the Daily Mail (once, for a treat).
But no, I was holding an exceptionally large aubergine in my hand. And I mean large. Do we grow aubergines? I'll have to look it up.. but if we do, ours are usually half the size of this big boy. It was packaged in a polythene bag which I suspect was because THEY KNEW they were sending out killer aubergines and they were PROTECTING THEMSELVES legally by adopting an otherwise unnecessary poly bag.
I still feel fine. Not at all woozy. Well, certainly no more than usual after a convivial Saturday night. But I just wanted to put out a general warning to my dear readers.
Beware of large aubergines with little pricks. Who'd have thought?
Country of origin, Italy, in case you're curious...
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