Another Job to Do....

My pet hate, before I retired, was doing tax returns. Always left to the last minute, the job would hang like the Ghost of Christmas Past over the whole Festive season. I always kept my receipts, like all conscientious self-employed, stuffed in a shoebox under the bed. It's because numbers bore me. They also frighten me a little, because I have never totally managed to make them do my bidding. The feeling of euphoria, once the return is complete, is in the same league as having your ears syringed. 

So when the, now familiar NHS envelope arrived first for Dearest, we didn't have to open it. It was met with a universal groan because it meant that mine too would be arriving soon. 

Yes, it's the Sh*t Kit, folks. 

The dear NHS is doing its very best to screen for Bowel Cancer. Every two years they send out the kit which is very neat and  compact. The first thing you do is put it in your In-tray. (No, not a metaphor..) It winks at you periodically, reminding that it is still on your to-do list. Then you get a reminder from the NHS. (A further drain on precious resources. Do you know the price of a stamp these days? Neither do I, until it's Christmas and then it blows me away. I am resolving to avoid this next time. New Year resolution..) Then, because you have taken out the instructions, studied them, as it's a whole two years since you last did this, and a whole lot of sh*t has happened in the interim, you carelessly lose the little cardboard dippers, they kindly sent. So you have to ring them up and say,

"I'm terribly sorry but I've lost the Pooh Sticks," realising that the very nice person at the end of the line has not read AA Milne, as she says she will send some replacement spatulas in the post. (Second New Year resolution: Do not open kit until you are ready to.. just, ready.)

So I would like to announce today, that there will be two envelopes winging their way to the NHS labs. One very happy Grand pappy, now the job is done. And as for me? Well, I discover, I would rather deal with Number Twos than grapple with the number-crunching of Tax Returns. 

This is being added to the Things I have Learnt list.