A Narrow Escape..

Lots of women love buying clothes. I am not lots of women. I don't particularly enjoy it because I am lots of woman.
I know that I am not alone in this, so I will share with you my discoveries in Marks and Spencer this afternoon. Yes, this comes hot off the press. It certainly feels very much that way on this sweltering muggy evening that is an undoubted prelude to a spectacular thunderstorm tonight.

I remember buying my first pair of jeans. On advice of friends I lay down in the changing room (bigger rooms in those days) to pull up the zip.
Can't do that in a 2' square cubicle where the thermostat must have been turned to 80 degrees. And all I wanted to do was to lie down on the floor from sheer exhaustion. My tactical error, forty years later, was to select a jumpsuit to try on.

I can hear your cries of horror and disbelief. But wait. The bottom half slipped on with ease. The top half proved to be a totally different kettle of fish. At one point I was stuck like an Amazonian with one breast bared. I breathed deeply, thought of England, and encouraged myself into the second sleeve. Well, I'll have you know that once in it, I didn't look too bad. But if the effort of putting it on was awful enough, its removal almost proved my undoing. Or rather, not. I couldn't see a way of reversing the exercise. It was only the ignominy of seeking assistance from the luscious lady handing out discs at the entrance that kept me from having either palpitations or my first panic attack.

Dear readers, I kept everything in and eased the wretched garment from my torso. How on earth are you to manage all that in a toilet cubicle for goodness sake? Forget it. Unless you have a bladder like an elephant (which can hold 18 litres, by the way) then heed my words.
On the plus side, I found a little jacket which had the merest hint of shoulder pads. What a difference!
I have been waiting for these ever since Joan Collins took them to extremes in "Dynasty" and ruined them for the rest of us for the next thirty years. So it's about time for a revival. As soon as they come back, I'm stocking up.
Capsule wardrobe? I'll have the whole works. Not being caught out twice.